I love the musical West Side Story and have probably watched it ten times. I can
look any one of my girlfriends in the eye, recite a line from a West Side Story
song, and receive the next line sung in return. In ninth grade, my girlfriends
and I even copied the "America" dance to perform at our high school talent show.
(PS we rocked the difficult Broadway choreography, thankyouverymuch). There's
only one song I never really liked, and that was "Something's Coming." Tony
sings it and at that point we don't know how truly badass he is. It's always
made me feel like, "uh-huh, let's get on with this."

But I think I get it now. The anticipation of change is colouring my world so
much, it'd be hard not to sing about it if my life were a musical production.
Knowing something's coming and still trying to carry on with ordinary days and
schedules is like knowing your friend has a secret to tell you, but will only
say after school's out. Waiting is agony! It's hard to seize my days like this!

It's waiting for the inevitable-that fiancé is leaving this weekend for six
months of police officer training far, far away. Knowing that this change is
coming has left me wondering about what it'll be like without him, what I'll be
doing, making it so hard to realize that the moments were sharing now will be
our last for awhile. I keep treating our goodnights and goodmornings as typical,
but they're among the last. I should be treasuring them and milking them for all
they're worth!

Also a new roommate is coming in the day after he leaves. This has left me
wondering as well. What will she be like? Will we be the best of best friends?
Will we be just roommates who have nothing in common? After the betrayal and
hurt caused by a couple of past friends I'd invested a lot of time and, more
importantly, trust into, I feel weary sticking my toes into new water, let alone
jumping right in.

Beyond the changes of the next couple of weeks, there are the even bigger
changes over the hill. I'm climbing uphill towards graduation from school into
the big wide world of self-sufficiency and adulthood. After that, I know fiancé
and I will be moving to some unknown corner of the country, so I think I'm
trying to mentally detach and recommitment myself from Ottawa, like a lover who
knows she's to be scorned and thus detaches to protect herself.

So much is gonna change! It's harder to bring myself back to the here and now
and savour these moments. I know you're supposed to eat food slowly and savour
all it's flavours, but sometimes I'm just so excited or rushed, I just gobble it
up. Then it usually hurts my esophagus. But you get my metaphor. Time to sllooww
down...before it all starts speeding up crazy time.