Over the weekend, a groom and members of his wedding party were violently gunned down in New York City on the morning of what was to be his wedding. There are questions as to the reasons NYPD officers pumped so many bullets into the car the group was riding in, but initially it looks as though there was some sort of mistake. Papers reported that the church in which the groom was to be married was instead filled with flowers and cards for the mourning bride and the two families.

This morning, I read a victim impact statement written by a woman who lost her fiancé to an armed robbery in January. She expressed anger towards the convicted murderers for robbing her, but most of the statement reflected the emptiness and sadness she felt at losing the love of her life amidst plans for their dream wedding. I admire her nobility in refusing to be bitter and angry because, she said, that is not how her fiancé lived, nor how he would want her to live. I was absolutely touched that in that period of grief and loss, she honours his life with dignity in his death.

I was also struck, in both instances, of how lucky I am. I haven’t had to look far and wide for my fiancé. I haven’t suffered a broken heart. I haven’t been forced to question my self worth by my loneliness on a couch on a Saturday night without a date. I have always had a partner, and I have found someone that I know will be beside me for the rest of my life. I am incredibly lucky. I am not going into this wondering how long it will last, or even what will happen “if” we split up. It’s not even in the cards, according to the tarot card reader we visited. I have great friends I know would sustain me if I didn’t have him, and I know holidays would be spent with a loving family. I would not be alone without him and that alone makes me lucky. But reading about those poor brides who will forever waiting for their grooms, I felt an intense gratefulness that on top of it all, I have him.

In this gratefulness, I will always be proving to myself and I guess the universe that I deserve it. I figure this way, he won’t be taken away from me unjustifiably. I won’t lose him to lack of love or another girl, because I will always want to prove my love and gratefulness for him. I hope the universe won’t take him away from me either, because we have so much to do together. Our being together is such an awesome gift that I feel like we must be together to do something. You don’t get something for nothing, right? And so we go forward on our mission, whatever that is.

While the news can be depressing, with the bad news are so many more reasons to hold on to what we’ve got and to do with them what we’re supposed to. To fulfill all of our own missions to fulfill and repay the gifts we’ve been given. I am so thankful, I hope I never stop fighting for this.