He called! And I feel so much better! Now I can stop doing a pee-pee dance in front of my phone waiting for it to ring from him. Phew! Now I feel very much like, “OK, let’s move on.” I still love his phone calls, but I’ve resolved not to spend my days wallowing in self-pity. Really now, I am so lucky to have an awesome fiancé who’s coming back for me, and amazing super fun silly girl friends that I will increasingly harass in the meantime.
At the same time, best friend said something that got me thinking the other day. As I sat slumped over on her couch, lower lip protruding, voice whining about my loneliness, I whined further, “What am I going to do with my time now?”
To which she replied, “Welcome to our lives.” My friends are all single (at varying levels of non-serious involvement, we’ll say) and it hit me: I was a huge giant brat to complain about being bored and lonely. Hello! I’m not even single! I have always listened as they complained about the negatives of being single, and been a teensy bit jealous (in a healthy way, promise) every time they celebrated it. I understand how hard it must be to feel like I do and NOT have that guaranteed lovely man at the end. I know that my wonderful girlfriends will all find amazing men who will sweep them off their feet (if they haven’t already) and that one day they too will have that security I have from fiancé. But as best friend said in another conversation, “We’re all like two steps behind you.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. On the one hand, I don’t want any of these girls, the most important people in my life, to feel I’m leaving them behind, that I’m somehow beyond them in some regards. On the other hand, I certainly can’t relate and become single with them for the sake of levels, you know? Maybe over the next few months I’ll really appreciate what I have, now that I’m able to experience, on a more daily basis, what it is to be man-less. The good, the bad, and the horny.