Family rifts lately (my own and friends’) have shown me lately that as one gets older, ‘never’ seems to be acceptable. Ex-communicating daughters, never talking to them again. Things will ‘never’ be OK between your father and I, he’ll ‘never’ say sorry. Why would anybody say those things? What gives you the authority or the license to tell someone for the rest of your life, until your dying day, you will never do something? It’s like marking Xs on every day of your life calendar, signifying each day you will not do. Is it stubbornness? If so, I pity you. Because who wants to live a life that limits the capacity for forgiveness, growth and happiness because you are too stubborn to be the bigger man, take responsibility for your own actions and GET ON with life? It’s like you put a marker in your life’s timeline at the moment you promised never and sentence yourself to a lifetime of consistency. And who wants to live consistently- consistently ignoring daughter, or living in awkward misery with your child’s father.
“Well, I will never fix things, because I know I’m right.” Well you know what? You can go ahead and be right till your dying day, and I’m going to go and make amends if that’s what it takes to move on. Do you really think we’re all put here on earth, given a family of people who you’ll have to be with at holidays weddings and funerals, and then allowed to just ignore some of them? No, it doesn’t work that way. If you want to make yourself a better person, and I know I do, then take some courage drops, grow a heart and take the responsibility of fixing things. If the other person is still too stubborn and selfish to play along, then you can at least know that you did your best. You can go to sleep without burdening yourself with grudges and bitterness. Then you’ve put your good intentions out into the universe and where they go from there is out of your control.
I refuse to believe that just because you’re getting older, you can just choose to live the rest of your life that way. Never say never. What’s the point in that, really? Pride only belongs paired to dignity. You can still retain pride and dignity by growing up, saying sorry, or making the first effort to reconnect with people you’ve excommunicated. In fact, I think that may be one of the best ways to retain your pride.
Don’t say never, people. That’s an awfully big word with lifelong conviction. And how can you ever guarantee that for the rest of your life, you will never, ever do something. Well, only by being stubborn, that’s how.